I grabbed a copy of The Daily Universe at BYU last week, and have been chuckling about these newsworthy items from the Police Beat section ever since. I'll try and recreate the conversations that go along with these timeless and horrific crimes.
Roommate 1: "Dude! Where is my scooter?! I flipping parked it right there!"Roommate 2: "Oh ya...I had to move it over by the bike rack. It was blocking my Civic. Sorry."
Roommate 1: "Word...word."
Kyle: "Yo Cheylyn. Want to walk to the library and/or Wilky with me?"Cheylyn: "No way Kyle. I told you...stop talking to me. I'm engaged."
Kyle: "Ya? Engaged just means Not-Too-Late-For-Me.
Cheylyn, roling eyes: <911>
I have no response to this.
Lady: "Sure! I love Facebook Magazine. I'll subscribe. Let me write you a check."Lady, after using google: "Whaaaat? Checks are MONEY!? Ack! <911>"
Bookstore dude: "Hey! What do you think you're doing?"Student: "I'm checking out this textbook. Did you know they want $420 for this paperback?"
Bookstore dude: "Section 27a stroke f paragraph 7.12 clearly states that students may NOT view books before buying them"
Student: "It's really more of a pamphlet...and I was just..."
Bookstore dude: "INSOLENCE! I'll get to the bottom of this.
Student: "Yes...well...wow. Later."
Grounds guy: "Are you guys building a tight-rope?"BYU Kids: "Yes."
Grounds guy: "Will you not?"
BUY Kids: "Sure."
Here is the whole thing, in case you're interested. On a sadder yet redeeming note, the last item actually reports a burglary crime with victims. However, it awesomely contains the words "he started throwing stuff." Rounds things out nicely.
3 comments:
Thanks for the laugh. (Really, I was laughing out loud. Jonny and Julia are reading in the next room and are very curious as to what is so funny, I am sure.)
I'm afraid Jonny and I would've been cited in the beat as well, had we been caught climbing that tree outside my complex or taking digital pictures of my math assignment pages at the bookstore. (Hey, the book I had purchased for much cheaper online hadn't arrived yet. At least I was doing my homework, thanks to Jonny doing the dirty work.)
Ha! Always the highlight of the student paper. I recall ones with goats tied up outside DT, random people in Jeeps throwing PE issue gym shorts, etc. Ever read Eric Snider? link
KC
I was totally busted for reading on the text floor at the start of this semester. That report could have been about me except I acquiesced and left the premesis. Seriously, I was just looking at it until my mail-order book arrived! The prices are outrageous anyway.
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