[Sarcasm Warning] This dude needs our help...

Received this email today. I've highlighted my favorite parts...some of which I will now be using as part of my every day speech. Enjoy, and don't laugh so hard that it takes off your life.

My name is Mr Larry Eze.

I am 75yrs old of age, I stay in New York city USA. i am a good Merchant, i have several Industrial company and good share in various Banks in the world. I spend all my life on investment and corporate business. All the way i lost my Wife and two beautiful kids in fatal accident that occur in November 5th 2008. i am a very greedy man with all cost i dont know much and care about people, since when i have an experience of my lovely ones i felt weak.i found it difficult to sleep and give rest.

Later in the year 2006 February i was sent a letter of medical check up, as my personal doctor testify that i have a lung cancer, which can easily take off my life soon. i found it uneasy to survive myself, because a lot of investment cannot be run and manage by me again.i quickly call up a pastor/prophet to give me positive thinking on this solution, as my adviser.He minister to me to share my property ,wealth, to Motherless baby/orphanage homes/people that need money for survivor both student that needs money/business woman and man for their investment for future rising.

So therefore i am writing this letter to people who are really need help from me both student in college, to contact me urgently so that i can make available preparation on that.especially women of the day, who are divorced by their husband, why they cannot survive the mist of feeding their self.

Please contact me to stop weeping, probably let me know what you really need the money for, and if you can still help me to distribute money to nearest orphanages homes near your town. Now that i am so much with GOD, am now born again.May the lord bless you, as you reach me.send me a reply to this email [redacted].

Thanks and God Bless.
Mr Larry Eze.