800 cute little dogs on the wall...

Sorry...it's pretty random...but I couldn't pass this one up. This is quite possibly the most interesting news story I've ever read in my life. Ever.

My son wants a dog, and asks regularly. After reading this, I'm feeling lucky that he doesn't continually ask for hundreds of dogs.

Here is a story about a triple-wide-trailer house in AZ where police found 800 small dogs and 87 parrots living with an elderly couple. Think about that. 800 dogs. 800. My word. Read the article. There were even some dogs giving birth while being rescued.

Just to give you an idea of how many dogs that is, here are 800 small dog images (and 87 parrots).

Regular Purse

Hi. My name is Matt and uh...I carry a purse.

This is in response to the twins tagging me from Cami's entry, and also from Emily's entry and Melody's entry.

In 2004 I started carrying a purse (aka: man-bag, man-satchel, utility belt, bag, man-purse, hand-bag, murse, mattie-bag etc). It's a move I have not regretted for even one second since then. The main reason was to stop losing keys, wallet, cell phone etc. Many things transfered directly from my backpack from school to my purse.


Here is a list of the current contents:

1. Ipod. This clips to the strap. This was my first internet-scam trophy. I mostly use it for audiobooks and drum corps shows.
2. Tiny screwdriver set. Flat and phillips. Suitable for glasses screws. Used weekly.
3. Larger screwdriver and pilers tool. Folds out to larger tools suitable for most other tasks.
4. Pocket knife. Probably the most useful tool in the bag.
5. Pens. I loooove shopping for short pens. There are always 2. A ball point pen, and a small fine sharpie. People ask for the sharpie several times a week. Excellent for marking CD's.
6. Blistex. Necessity.
7. Nail clippers. If they're not kept here, I can never find them.
8. USB Thumb Drive. To paraphrase Billerman: "Get one. You think you don't need one, but if you get one you'll use it every day."
9. Spare Yo-yo string. Broken strings are no ones friend. And it never hurts to have a bit of string.
10. A variety of pills. I run a small free pharmacy. At least twice a week someone needs an IV Potion, Advil, Tynonol, allergy pill or Excedrin Migraine.
11. Spare keys. House and Truck. These come in extremely handy.
12. Strips. Band-aids, Thera-Flu strips and nasal strips.
13. Money clip. This recently replaced the bi-fold wallet. It holds the most important cards. Credit cards, and harts drink punch cards. Also some cash. Usualy $10-$20. I do not like to be without at least a few dollars in cash.
14. Change. I usually have a few coins, including a few dollar coins. People look at your crazy when you spend them.
15. Tic-Tacs. The purse is too small for the whole box. I carry 10 or so tic-tacs.
16. Headphones. Essential.
17. Pictures. This also came from the wallet. The wife and boy and some other memorable photos.
18. Flossers. Emily gave me one at a movie, and I was immediately hooked.
19. 5/8 inch drive chrome vanadium breaker bar with 19mm deep socket. This is my favorite tool. Clearly this is a hilarious joke. But if it would fit, I'd totally carry it around.
20. Andy's address. Drewlapalooza.
21. No parking notes. I put them on peoples windshields when they make up parking spots. It's very polite. I am a self-proclaimed parking cop.
22. Checks. Do people still use these? The ones I use have my address from 4 houses ago.
23. Other cards. Non essential cards that are rarely needed.
24. Cell phone. Duh.
25. Keys. I clip them to the strap buckle. So as to not lose them.

I'm always on the prowl for miniature items that would be useful. I find that people are very accepting of the bag. People at work know the general contents of the bag, and often ask for items. Usually screw drivers, pocket knife, pain killers and band aids.

3 things that may or may not interest you...

I'm not sure if there are Greeps, Gripes or Grumps but my feeling is that they're closer to Greeps than any of the three.

1) I called UPS the other day in response a note on my door. You know, when you miss the guys and a signature is required. So I was going through their automated phone thing. The lady was asking me questions etc. This usually annoys me as they never really ask you the right stuff. Well, this one was dead on. Every set of options had the exact one I needed. At the end of the call she said something like "or if you're finished, just hang up!" I was so pleased with the experience that I felt funny just hanging up. Like I would offend the operator. Before I knew it I was saying "Thank you" into the phone before hanging up.


2) I asked Jack to write his Uncle Andy and letter and he responded with "Ok, which letter?" Turns out there are 26 I could have chosen from.

3) I bought a new camera lens this week. A friend sent me this video about how lenses are made. It blew my mind. I understand why premium lenses are so expensive now. It's a bit long, but very interesting.

The Roboty Voices...

A few weeks ago Jack and I wrote about the Bionicles we were playing with, and mentioned that the captions should be read in a roboty voice.

We now feel that unless the robots have a voice of their own, they won't be heard (figuratively or literally.)

So, as a follow-up to that post, here are the recordings of the robots themselves.

"I just noticed that my gun is backwards. My bad."
"My hand is laaaame"
"Attaaaack"
"Bring it!"
"Grroooouuuwwwwwlllsssslllllrssooyysss"
"Steady boys...steeaaaaddy"
"You guys look like ants from here..."
"You...shall not...pass!"


No robots were harmed in the process of these recordings. These robots have all been returned to the wild. No free-range robots were used. Do not try this at home. Robots are dangerous. The management encourages you to buy robot insurance.

Finally, robotic beings rule the world...

This is dedicated to KV, without whom, t'would not have been.

JG, and his army. Also, he's holding a story he wrote about them.

They didn't use poisonous gases, but these little robotic dudes have taken over our house. They're Bionicles, and my son has a fillion of them. They're really cool, and fun to play with...even if you're thirtyish. When we lived in MD, a friend from work gave McBlackson an entire collection of them. We played with them a bit after that, but they were a bit beyond my man. But now he has friends who are into them, and he can follow the directions to put them together. So last weekend we set out to assemble all of them and it was a feat of strength. At least now I can say that I've assembled nearly 30 Bionicles in one weekend. Not everyone has that merit badge.

We decided to do a little photo shoot before they started losing limbs and projectiles in battles. So we set up this scene.

Here are the pictures. All the captions in quotes are battle cries, and should be read in a warful manner. Please pronounce them in a roboty voice.

"Steady boys...Steeaaaady"

"Grroooooolllllloowwwwlllsrrrssssrrrr"

"You...shall not....pass!"

"You guys look like ants from here..."

"I just noticed that my gun is backwards. My bad."

"My hand is laaaaame."

The army poised.

"Attaaaaacck"

"Bring it. "

This space intentionally left blank

Castle DJT...

People say I'm crazy.

Over the Christmas break from work and school (the entire HP corp. closes for the week of Christmas) we had a couple of really nice storms. We have a good drift in our yard too. So when we get 6 inches of snow, my yard has 12 and the guy across the street has 1. Awesome.

So, Jackal and I shoveled the first storm worth into a pile and made a little fort. We immediately realized it wasn't big enough, and when the next storm hit, we had a plan. We shoveled the entire driveway and half of the yard on top of the old fort. We then let it freeze for a few days, and added snow to reinforce it in places.

We needed it to be strong, so we built four steps into the side, and Jack spent several hours setting world sledding records from the top.

In the excavation stage we used several shovels, a few sticks and a dump truck of jacks. We ended up with a nice little cave/sledding hill. Because of our structural planning, we were still able to sled from the top after the cave was finished. I was even able to stand on it with my substantial girth, and it made no signs of failing.

So, with such a good cave, there was only one thing for it. I had to sleep in it. So, a few nights after Christmas I took the little pad out, and my ex-army ECW sleeping bag and went for it. The news guy said it was 15 degrees that night. I slept well until a bit of show came down upon me from the ceiling and melted and made a wet spot. At this point, I agreed with the people who said I was crazy. But A bit of tricky shifting got me out of that dangerous situation. Phew.

It's been a few weeks now, and it's been very warm. But the cave is intact, and going strong.

Here are some shots:

Getting ready to sled.

Workin on the Castle.

King of he hill.

Testing from palm

Is it working? I am writing this from my pda that my wife gave me for Christmas.

Area man posts "Next Hundred Things..."

An area man has posted his "Next Hundred things" much to the dismay of his 2-3 regular readers. Says one reader about this bombardment of unwanted personal information: "It's uhhh...well It's just not that interesting." Our repeated phone calls to the mans office were not returned.

1. I enjoy a Cold 44oz soda most than most things. Lots of ice. Usually Diet Mtn. Dew (DMD) with a few shots of cherry flavor. (Fake Diet Code Red (DCR).) I can nurse one of those for a day or two if I try. I like to add limes as well.
   
2. One of my favorite things to do is try on gloves. I'm always searching for the perfect fit. I recently found a perfect fit in some shooting gloves at Cabellas.
   
3. There is a mod chip in my OG Xbox.
   
4. I listen to NPR. My favorite shows are Car Talk and This American Life. An epidode of This American Life made me cry last week. (This episode. You can listen free from their website.)
   
5. I know a bunch of Yo Yo tricks which I do with my left hand. I learned them all from John Neilson. Jackson is learning them.
   
6. I also shoot with my left hand.
7. I also eat with my left hand. I'm partly sinister.
   
8. My nickname in High School was "Simon." (I liked to do drawrings)
   
9. I like going to General Conference at the Conference Center.
10. We wax our cars at least 4 times per year. And I'm not talking about the spray on jobbie at the car wash. I'm talking Clean, Polish, Wax. Even my scratched up truck gets the treatment.
    
11. I enjoy Peanut Butter.
12. I saw Rod Stewart at the Super Fresh one night.
    
13. I'm terrible at Scrabble, but I love to play. I also love Monopoly.
    
14. My hair is currently in the "Ugly Phase." Soon it will be in the "Uglier" phase.
    
15. I wear nose strips when I sleep, to cut down on the snoring. Sometimes it hurts to remove them. Other times, I can't find them in the morning.
    
16. To be funny, I like using the word "Ones" to describe thing. Any old things.
    
17. I hate my current cell phone, but am too thrifty to buy a new one. I'll wait until I'm eligible for a "free" one.
    
18. I support my sons Hot Wheels habit. Sometimes I play with them too, even when my son is not around.
    
19. I take action photos on the side to make extra money. It's part of my 10 year plan.
20. At this moment, I am installing X11 on my laptop, so I can run some useful Open Source apps.
    
21. I love any song that features a robot voice.
    
22. I had lobster for lunch this week. How fancy!
    
23. I play a video game via email with friends (much like playing Chess by mail.) It takes about 3 minutes a day to play, and a game lasts about a year.
    
24. According to this site: http://www.vajoe.com/candidate_calculator.html I am supposed to vote for Businessman John Cox for president. ?!
    
25. I tend not to react to most things very quickly. I'm not good at on-the-spot decisions and usually regret actions, decisions and comments made in haste.
    
26. I love Cortnie, and wouldn't trade the last 10 years for anything.
    
27. Jackson is my ultimate #1 dude. Totally complete.
    
28. Some things that make laugh uncontrollably make my wife roll her eyes and sometimes leave the room. Example: The Three Stooges.
29. I secretly enjoy the movie A Walk to Remember staring Mandy Moore and Shane West.
    
30. I carry a man-bag. It was the best move I ever made. I'm never going back. It's difficult to find a bag that fits my style. So far, I've only found 1.
31. I was wondering if you'd like to meet me in my quarters this night...for some toast.
32. Every morning, I have a craving to watch music videos. I'm not sure where that came from.
33. I would move back to Kansas.
    
34. A policeman un-holstered and aimed a gun at me once.
    
35. I think the name Valentine would be excellent for a girl. After years and years, my wife still thinks I'm joking.
    
36. I enjoy sunflower seeds.
    
37. I don't like those little particles that float around in the air. When I drive into the sun, they're easy to see and make me feel like I'm choking by breathing them in. I open my window a crack, and watch them gravitate outside. I feel so much better once they're gone.
38. I have a friend that I am in "Cahoots" with. We are often thinking the same things, doing the same things, saying the same things, and listening to the same music at the same time. It's a common enough occurrence that it doesn't surprise us anymore. It used to make our friends in college so mad.
    
39. My wife always knows the gender of a close friend or family members baby a few months before they announce their pregnancy. She has been 100% accurate over the past 10 years.
    
40. People making up parking spots is my worst annoyance. I think Mormons are the main offenders. (There are ALWAYS spots in the back guys...you don't need to park in the driveway of the church.)
41. I don't like it when people hide from Cameras. Once I shot an Indian wedding for a friend. After every picture I took, the subjects of the photo each thanked me for taking their picture. It was a refreshing change. Kids are also great at getting their photo snapped. Ethan Turpin is extremely photogenic, and comfortable in front of a camera.
    
42. I sleep walk 4-5 times per week. Lately, I've even been going outside. I usually wake up just enough to know I need to get back in bed in such a way that Cortnie thinks I'm still asleep, but it's all still part of the dream/sleep-walk shenanigan.
    
43. I want laser eye surgery, but my eyes are too bad for it. For the past 19 years I've been keeping up with the progress. The advanced badness of my eyes is still no match for technology.
    
44. I secretly want to be a reporter.
45. I've had a double hernia surgery. Hard times.
    
46. Ever since I lived in Kansas, I enjoy country music, but not if it's sung by a man (Mantry). In fact, even some of the women country singers are too much for me. Kelly Willis is my favorite. Hearing her music feels like going home to me.
    
47. I tried on some short socks a few years ago, and haven't looked back. I tossed my long socks, and am always on the prowl for short, thin sicks. The shorter the better. I have short socks for church.
    
48. I am a huge fan of my Old Man.
49. To an un-expressible extreme, I dislike shopping at Wal-Mart. I'd rather pay higher prices elsewhere.
    
50. My son and I do doughnuts in the truck when it snows. Somehow, my wife allows this.
    
51. When our kid was colicky, we used to turn on the vacuum which calmed him immediately. I quickly made a cd of continuous Hoover-vacuum sound which we played for him for weeks and weeks. It always did the trick.
52. When my internet connection is down, I am nervous and uncomfortable. It's no way to live.
53. I do not handle stress well.
    
54. I prefer to give prepared talks in Church. I like to read them from the pulpit, and my talks never start with jokes and anecdotes about my talk preparation or "When the Bishop called me and asked..." of "I was asked to speak on...."
    
55. I have been on 3 cruises. 2 of which I actually enjoyed.
56. Taking so many physics classes in college has ruined me a little bit. Knowing that everything is connected threatens to make me crazy. A teacher once explained that to the smallest, most unmeasurable and infinitesimal amount, every time I take a step it causes the position of the earth to change. Same with moving around in a room. Every molecule of air is affected by every move of my muscle however small. This makes me nervous.
    
57. My son calls me "dude" sometimes. It makes me proud.
58. We have a nice big HD TV which is hooked up rabbit ears. We kinda get channels 11, 13 and sometimes 7.
    
59. I have had a lot of Churchy opportunities lately...outside the orphanage.
    
60. When I'm stressed out, I tend to spend money. It's a protest of sorts.
    
61. I have a bad memory. But I have some extremely vivid memories of my childhood. In fact, I think I have more vivid childhood memories, than I have vivid memories of last week.
    
62. It used to really bother me when my possessions were scratched or dinged. Watches, cell phones, cars etc. I remember the exact point when I gave that up, and decided to accept it. Now when it happens, it's a bit of a relief. I actually like my things better with a few battle-wounds.
    
63. I refuse to buy books with movie-covers. "Now a Major Motion Picture." Pa-lease.
    
64. I secretly want Luke Skywalkers hair.
65. I am pretty sure that 1/3 of these are duplicates of my last 100 things.
66. I am fairly certain that this will be my last 100 things...this is painful. I don't like talking about myself.
    
67. I have a hard time shaking a grumpy attitude.
    
68. I enjoy reading and listening to Naval Fiction novels. Especially when they contain CVBG's and/or Submarines.
69. I use the online service plaxo.com as my address book. It's extremely convenient.
    
70. When I as kid, I lost 3 or 4 pairs of glasses to our dog chewing them to death.
    
71. Watching the news drives me crazy, and I rarely do it. I feel like they're trying to "sell" me the news. I can't stand being sold on things by strangers.
72. I enjoy using linux, and will be happy to get anyone started on it. However, I'm no zealot. I think OS X is fantastic, and Windows is..well...still windows.
    
73. It is possible that I am the only person in the state of Utah that understands how to use the HOV lane. I know I know, there are so many rules...how can we expect people to get it?!
    
74. I love using the tie-down straps that I keep in my truck. Every time I do, it adds mental value to my truck. Currently it's worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, and is not for sale (so don't ask!)
    
75. I miss living close to Emily, KC, Camille, Jake, Ethan and Jefferson.
    
76. I never learned the months in school. I think I was absent that day, or something. I still have trouble keeping track of what comes next, and which have 30 days etc. Part of me is still a 7 year old.
77. I look for humor in almost everything.
    
78. Amber absolutely cracks me up with 99% of the things she says.
    
79. Todd absolutely cracks me up with 100% of the things he says.
80. I love draw string bags.
81. I once tried to save some fish that had bleach poured in their tank.....it was too late.
82. I hate saxaphone music.
83. I want a motorcycle really bad, but I'll never buy one.
    
84. I am not very good at music lyrics...I think they say something completely different then what they say.
85. My wife says I am addicted to computers.....I have one in my hands at all times.
86. I love caseroles
87. I love blistex and gold bond.
88. I want cereal for every meal.
89. I can tinker on the harmonica, guitar, piano, trupet, drums, and eukelele. I can't play any of them.
90. I am afraid of graveyards.
91. I do not like to be tickled or scared.
    
92. I love the term "cold one"
93. Once, the main giant doors of the SLC temple were opened for me so I could go in.
94. I cried a little when I sold my Maxima.
95. I have never fired a pistol.
    
96. The end of the Lemony Snicket books was a disappointment to me. I'm still a little mad about it.
97. I participated in a parade in Salem MA, thought of as the home of the Salem Which Trials.
    
98. I once won a major award. Statistically, it'll never happen to me again.
    
99. I'm totally excited for my sister Elise. Complete.
    
100. My sister thinks I got away with everything during high school.
     
101. There are only 2% odds that anyone will live to 100 years of age.
     
102. I have seen and touched the worlds largest sneaker, cross and ear of corn during the same week.

Sources close to the man say he's happy to be done with the next hundred, and hopes to avoid even counting past 84 again as long as he lives.